It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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