i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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