All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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