your room smells of hookers.
And success
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
