If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
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he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
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No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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