How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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