the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Drunk walkin through police station. America
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I would ride that face into the sunset
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
