He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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