Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
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And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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