if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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