just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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