I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
