How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
