Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
