Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
