is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I need moral support for this bender
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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