i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
