ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
