i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
God I need to hump something, right now.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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