if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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