We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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