No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
