im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
