This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
