I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Watching her eat just hurts me
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
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