At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
33 Sex Crazed People That Are Going Balls Deep
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
21 Family Members Confess The Creepiest Things They Know About a Relative
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.