shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
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What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
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What is this nonsense on the table
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....