So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit