She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him