I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.