I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
