Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Randomize
