DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
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