Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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