I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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