We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
