The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
