She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
