she looked like the bat from fern gully.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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