When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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