well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
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you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
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Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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