There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
should my penis look like a turkey
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Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
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Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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