What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
