you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
