I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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