I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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