You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
