his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
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She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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