i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I came so hard my ears popped.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
