never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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