hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
birth control should be required to get into college
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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