***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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