11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize