I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
