chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
