allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
