I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
