Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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