I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
