I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Randomize
