Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
If I die, sorry about rent.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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