Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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