I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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