either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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