I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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