Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
