I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
