Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
