I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Randomize