"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
