Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
