The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
