there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
