I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
