found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
